Thursday, January 21, 2010

Season 1 Episode 10

Ramaswami feels a strange tingling throughout his body at this moment.
"Oh my Gawd! What a time for yindigestion I say." The powerful bun he has eaten earlier has started to work, perhaps sped on by the bee sting.He feels strange powers coursing through his body.
"Wait a minute. Can it be that the bun has worked and not given me yindigestion, or food paisining, but mystic Swami powers instead?"

The house around him rocks and air currents are set up around our hero.

"The time is now, I say", he yells and his lungi changes colour.
The mundu cheta leader yells to make himself heard above the rumble of the yak rushing in and the chaos caused by Ramaswami's new found powers "Ramaswami, I say, You now have a technicolour lungi!! Very bling man."
Ramaswami lets the yak hit him head on, right at his crotch. The lungi protects him. The yak suffers a concussion of colossal limits and is rushed away to NIMHANS in an ambulance.
(In an alternate reality where the RSPCA does not exist, the Mundu Cheta leader cuts up the yak and Ramaswami's party is soon served with enough non-veg food,namely yak meat, for a hundred people.)
"I feel good." sings out Ramaswami in a tune vaguely resembling 'Mary had a Little Lamb'. Just at that moment Jovin comes in on Ramaswami's katar-katar Bajaj scooter. He nods at Ramaswami and whispers something to the Mundu Chetha leader.
"Ramaswami, my friend, I am afraid the frog got away. But with your new powers he will not dare mess with you again".
"You are right", yells Ramaswami in what he thinks to be his manly-hero voice, "He dare not mess with me and my technicolour lungi."

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Season 1, Episode 9

As Mr. Frog and Jovin speed away in their bikes, Ramaswami sits on a cane chair dejected, "What have I done??" And the leader of Mundu Cheta Boys responds, "You don't know what you've done?! I'll tell you. You did a boo-boo and gave RBA to the lady in red with the suuuper sexy hawt voice and then thought that a bun spoke to you! Maaaad fellow I say."
"Sorry da. I don't know what happened to me... The lady in red was suuuper hawt da."
"Okay now. Not to worry. Redeem yourself Ramaswami."
Ramaswami rises from his chair slowly. A rush of wind, his lungi flutters, his silk chaddi shines. It's time. The hero has risen from his fallen state and now, it's time.

Time for change.
Time for action.
Time for...

Suddenly Ramaswami turns his head to his right and pukes into the dustbin.
"Go get our hero some water please. He's a leeetal slow today," says the leader.

After Ramaswami has had his fill, he clears his throat and declares, "I'm bee-yak!"

As he says that, a bee enters the room from a window far behind him and stings him on his lower lip. And a yak bursts through the front door.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Season 1 Episode 8

While Ramaswami is pondering over how to get through this dilemma the Mundu Cheta Boys gatecrash the party. The leader, a short,hairy, presumably human person shouts, "Vats this Ramaswami? We did not get our invitashawn (invitation)? I have just got back from the Gelf and want to show everybody my bling bling mund!"
"Machaa! Im very sorry. But we cannot pardy now as you fellows say. We are all dying!" replies Ramaswami.
"Dying? Ah! Food poisoning aa? So that is why Kukuswami is rolling on the floor beating his stomach with a cricket bat."
"Eggzactly!"
The leader thinks for a minute, chewing on his lower lip, lost in though. He suddenly smiles and snaps his fingers.
"I got it. Kappam Meen Curry will fix your problem but they will only think of Kappam Meen Curry for the next three days. Roychan! Where are you? Cook some Kappam Meen Curry! Ramaswami! You should be thanking me! I have saved you."
Ramaswami clutches his stomach, groans and faints, falling right onto a conveniently placed bun.
"I say Ramaswami, that bun has saved you from brain damage. And now, we shall save your stomach."
They force feed an unconscious Ramaswami with Kappam Meen Curry and then do the same to the rest. They all regain consciousness and complain about the arrack!
"It is not the arrack you yeediat buggers! It was the frog! The Venatricroakatist!"
The Mundu Cheta leader snaps his fingers and when this doesn't work whistles to get everybody's attention. "If it is a frog problem then Jovin can help you! He has just come back from France where he was the number one frog catcher and frog eater! He has done an amazing amazing job in my garden! If you also have cockroach problem, you can tell Kunyu. Number one cockroach catcher in China!"
Jovin nods at Ramaswami and goes off in search of the forg. All of a sudden they hear Ramaswami's katar katar Bajaj scooter start up and they all rush to the window. The frog is remarkable in more than just its vocal abilities! It can ride bikes! The frog puts the bike in gear, does a wheel spin and zooms away, followed by Jovin on his Yamaha Rx, fork and knife in his back jeans pocket, and napkin tied around his neck.
"Curses! I would have succeeded if it wasn't for you meddling mallus!" cries the frog as it rides away.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Season 1, Episode 7

Bam Bam Bam!
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Ramaswamy jumps three inches into the air and looks around the bathroom. Its been exactly five seconds! What is happening? What is that sound? Is the world coming to an end? Did he develop magical powers? Has the bun transformed him within and without?

BAM! BAM! BOOM!
"Ramuuuu! Please open the bathroom ra! Its urgent ra! I can't hold anymore!

"Ayyio! I'm coming. Give me 8 seconds!" Ramaswamy quickly puts on his lungi. He looks at himself in the mirror above the wash basin and wipes off crumbs of the Bun. Nervously, he opens the door. He sees Mollimohanam standing there, sweating and jumping from one foot to the other.

"Thanks macha! I thought I would die only! I had too much cake, you know."

"Molli, do I look any different to you? Or does anything look any different to you? Or does anything seem any different to you?"

"Ramu, if you don't let me get in that bathroom right now there will be onnly one thing different and you won't like that a lot macha. For the sake of Bun please let me in!"

After entering the hall, Ramaswamy looks around to see if anyone is noticing anything different in him. But all he sees is 21 people relaxing after eating up all the cake. He coughs. They all look at him.

"Caught a cold in the loo eh Ramu! Come relax with us. It was such a bun filled party no?"
"I must tell you, the bun used in the cake was so wunnderful ya...I can't have enough of it!"
"Why are you looking like someone put a bun in your face Ramu? Come sit with us no!"
"Ramu! Do you have a spare Bun-iyan? I spilt cococola all over mine."

Ramaswamy stares at them in horror. What is happening? Why are all of them talking about buns only? What is going on?

He races back into the bedroom, dashes into a very tired Molli. "Ayyo Rama! Where are you bunning to so fast!"

Ramaswamy ignores him and runs into the bathroom, and looks at himself in the mirror. He doesn't see anything different. He wails out loud, "My Rama! What happened to me? Why is everyone talking about buns?"

Suddenly, he notices the frog in the basin. He looks at it, it looks at him. He looks at it longer, it looks at him longer. Then he points a trembling finger towards it. "Its you isn't it? I don't know how but you caused all this! Who are you? Why are you doing this to me? Tell me!"

The frog looked at him and laughed. "Muhahahahahahahahahaa!" "croak" "Muhahahahahahahaha!" "I am a representative of Burger Lord, the biggest Burger company in the world!"

"That's not true! MucDunnald is the biggest! Ask anyone!"

"Pah! Will you let me finish? BL has started on the biggest advertising campaign in the history of advertising campaigns. Whoever eats the Bun will start transmitting subliminal messages about the greatness of BL. You were our first test subject, and it worked! Muhahahahahahahahah!"

"But, but, the Bun spoke to me! How...How?"

"You idiot. I'm a ventri-croak-quist. A very rare sub-race among frogs. I can transfer my voice to any object around me! Now listen carefully. Very soon, all your friends will start craving for buns so much that if you do not get them to a BL outlet, they will DIE!"

"Ayyio, ayyio, what do I do? What do I do??"

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Season 1, Episode 6

Ramaswamy reaches his home on his katar-katar Bajaj scooter and finds that all his friends have left. He enters his living room to find a note kept next to his Matching Multi-coloured Chaddis Club's badge.
He reads, "Ramaswamy, forgive me. My silk chaddi-buddy, forgive me. I am feeling very guilty now. I hope you can take revenge! I will give you her yaddress. I hope you will yagree to see my face next time and not hold this against me. I have written the yaddress on the back-side of this page. You-ver friend, Mollimohanam."
"That scoundrel! I will make him pay. But he's my chaddi-buddy, I will forgive him."
Ramaswamy reads the address silently and immediately rushes out on his katar-katar scooter to find the house. After 48 minutes and 6 seconds, at exactly 23:40 he finds the house. It looks like a typical haunted house. The garden in not maintained, the porch is strewn with dried leaves and fallen twigs, but it looks like someone put them there. The door is half open. The lights are switched off. The dog howls, the owl hoots. There's the typical eerie silence. Ramaswamy walks towards the front door. He can hear his own footsteps. Ramaswamy reaches the front door, finally. He touches his bun in his pocket to make sure it's there.
Empty house, open door, eeire silence, something bad will happen!
After switching on the torch on his Nokia 1100, he enters the house. He finds the light switch, but, obviously, it doesn't work. Suddenly, he hears, "One two three!"
"Appy bud-day to you, appy bud-day to you, appy bud-day dear Ramu, appy bud-day to you!" The entire house is suddenly lit and Ramu sees 22 of his friends standing in a semi-circle in front of him with colgate smiles around a huge cake with 24 candles on it.
"Oooh, you guyz, thank you so much!! You scoundrel Molli! You tricked me once again! You should become actor ra."
Molli says, "My pleasure Ramu. You happy, me happy, we all happy."
The music starts, the party begins. Ramaswamy forgets about RBA.
After three hours of partying, Ramu goes to the bathroom to pee. He (with some difficulty) removes the bun from his pocket and carefully places it on the wash basin. As he is finishing his business, he hears a throaty, "Swamy, it's time." Ramaswamy looks around and finds a frog near the door. Ramaswamy picks up the frog and stares at it for 6 seconds, waiting for it to speak. "You fool, it's me. The Bun." Ramaswamy laughs nervously and drops the frog.
"It's time. Eat me", says the Bun.
"Whaaa...t? Me? *I* am the real Swamy? Me? Me me me?"
"I'm getting bored. Just eat me, will you? Something will happen 5 seconds after you eat me "
Ramaswamy says, "Yes master."
Ramaswamy looks at the bun for 2 seconds and gobbles it up in 5 seconds.
Tick, tick, tick. Three seconds go by.
Another second gone. What next?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Season 1, Episode 5

Season 1
Episode 5
Ramaswami realised that, obviously, he's been tricked. KRS dam was a secure point that was now infiltrated by the enemies. They knew that his weakness was for hot women in red dresses, especially ones with hot voices. He smacked his head in distress. Ayyio! How could he have fallen for this? It was as obvious as falling for a bald man! Everyone knew that bald men were evil! How could he have done this? Now he had to explain himself to the actual people who wanted the RBA! He reached into his lungi pocket and pulled out (with some difficulty) his deadly bun. It looked just like another bun. It was round and brown and very edible. But only the true Swamy could eat it and not die the most horrible death. Ramaswamy knew enough to not even try to eat it. He just looked at it sadly and said, "Why didn't you tell me oh great bun? Didn't you warn me about the bald man? Didn't you warn me about him?" But he knew that the bun only replied to the true Swamy. He put it back (with some difficulty) into his pocket again and sat on a convenient looking rock waiting for the actual people who wanted the RBA. To while away the waiting time, he thought about the macha who pretended to die after eating the non-deadly bun with sambhar. As this thought hit him, he jumped up from his rock with a scream loud enough to wake up even the most sleepy class ans shouted: "Ayyyyyyiooo! It is he who caused this! It is he who pretended to die so as to distract me from the idea that a hot voiced woman can actually be real! Nooooooooo! Ramaswamiii! How could you do this??"

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

BYEEEEEE